A Little More Closer
by hAde
Summary: Burning cigarette. Swirling smoke. Pouring rain. Falling raindrops. Piling thoughts. On a particular moment and time, love made itself known to him. He was thinking about Hakkai and their relationship. Who could be this passionate yet coldhearted lover?


**A/N:** Please read and review and tell me what you think...!

**Disclaimer:**

Lines with quotation marks (" ") mean conversation/ dialog.

Lines w/o quotation marks mean p.o.v.

Lines with / is the English translation of the song 'True Light.

**A Little More Closer**

/Become the wings that outshine your sadness, cutting through the white darkness.../

A thousand questions...

A hundred thoughts...

A single moment...

/Illuminated by the cold sun.../

Hurt...

Did I hurt him...?

What have I done...?

Why do I feel this way...?

/I had some tame freedom.../

Pain...sorrow...tragedy...then...love...

There is so much in this world that I don't understand...

There are so many emotions...

But I don't feel any...

Or perhaps, I just keep on hiding them, avoiding any affection that tries to make itself known to me...

/On the miraculous night reflected in the mirror.../

It's getting late...

And still...I'm not able to put my thoughts to rest yet...

The rain was silently, solemnly pouring...

And I'm getting wet...

How I hate it...

/My soul began to remove its mask.../

The last remaining piece of cigarette was burning brightly on my lips...

How I wish the flames could drown out this feeling...

I have lighted, and used up several cigarettes already...

Taking in considerable amount of warm air...

Choking hard on smoke...

It was useless...worthless...hopeless...

Enough of this fucking nonsense...

/On the other side of the crumbling wall, despair and hope wear the same face.../

I have to sort out my thoughts...

I have to clear my mind...

Now, as soon as possible...

/If you're heart is not satisfied.../

But...how?

There's no other way...

I can't think of anything...

/Head towards the ending prologue that flies away.../

Hakkai...

That argument...

What kind of mess have I gotten myself into...?

What's going on...?

I don't know, and I can't understand a single thing...

/In this world where the wind blows like a knife.../

On to the journey to the west...

We started this relationship...

I don't really know how or why...

First we were strangers...with nothing between us...

Then we met each other...

Bound together on an endless journey...

And now...

That relationship...

Did he start it?

Did I start it?

Did he want it?

Did I want it?

For at least several moments...

I thought it all worked out...

We were...fine...

He loved me...

Or perhaps he just learned to love me...

And me...on my part...

I love him...not...?!

/What is it that I should protect.../

On the whole...

It all went fine...

We were doing what we felt like doing...

Things, happening, that could mask away the emptiness we both felt...

All my life...

I thought no one will ever love me...

Until Hakkai came into my life...until he ruined every last piece of sanity in me...

But I thank him for that...come to think of it...

He appreciated me, accepted me, and even loved me...

All his life...

After he lost Kana...

He felt just the same way that I do...

He felt that there's no one who will ever grant him attention...ever again...

Then this journey came...

Wherein under unexplainable circumstances...

Two strangers who have at least one thing in common found answers in each other...

Honestly, we found a lot more...

Appreciation...

Understanding...

/In this journey where I know one pain after another.../

I never thought I would come to a time when I would think of all these deepest thoughts somewhere in the very depths of my heart...

I don't convey with anyone's emotions nor do I think of my own...

But if I want this whole thing resolved...

I have to deal with this...

/I draw closer to my true self.../

Back to that relationship...

It only started because we need each other for comfort and assurance...

Or maybe that was all I thought of it...

But it got...deeper...

Hakkai's emotions...

He expressed his love for me...

And all he wanted was one simple thing...

But I didn't give in to it...

Or perhaps...I just never get around to think about it much...

/The fake light that is disappearing.../

Maybe I was scared...

Cowardice...

I don't want to risk anything...

For fear of losing what I wanted...what I already had...

"Hakkai..."

I didn't understand what you wanted exactly...

I didn't care that much...

But now...

"I have made up my mind..."

/The true light that is being born, in these hands.../

The time is right...

It is...now...

/Pierce through the white-dyed night.../

It was still raining...

Walking steadily and silently through corridors until I faced his door...

Without bothering to knock, I pushed open the door and step right into his room...

/Go on creating a new era.../

It was dark...no light shone...

Silence...

I paced around the room, my vision adjusting to the darkness that surrounds me...

/With a heart that's been released.../

Everything's happening so fast...

But everything happens for a reason...

I saw him...

He was lying on his bed.

Asleep...

I walked over to him and sat down beside his sleeping form.

My hands brush away the brown tresses that frame his face...

He looks so gentle, so serene...

My fingers lightly trace his face...

Bending down...

I whispered...

"Have I told you, how much...I love you...?"

No, I know I didn't...

It was amazing how he slowly opened his emerald eyes to gaze at me in awe and surprise.

He was puzzled.

Maybe this sweet angel was wondering if he heard just right, or was he dreaming? Or was I sick?

I smiled at him...

Now I realize...

I...Genjo Sanzo, am human...

I have full courage to admit...

"Yes, Hakkai, you heard just right..."

"Sanzo...?!"

/Fly through the endlessly continuing white night.../

I know how much he longed for that moment...

And I don't want to spend time on mere conversation...

So I bent down...

And kissed Hakkai tenderly...

His lips were soft and sweet...

And now, I own them...I own him...

I lay down beside him, us facing each other...

"Sanzo..."

"Hush...just go to sleep Hakkai..."

I placed an arm around him and he did the same...

Holding each other so tenderly...

I don't want him to be broken...

A little more closer, Hakkai, a little more touch me...

"I'll only sleep if you'll be there Sanzo..."

Hakkai whispered gently...and sexily...

"Of course, I'll be here...I won't leave you, I never will..."

He closed his angelic emerald eyes...

"Goodnight baby, I love you..."

I closed my own too...savoring the moment made to last for all eternity...

The world faded to black...then...I knew no more...


End file.
